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Divorce – Keep Control In Your Hands, Not The Courts

March 5, 2014

 

The court system is a very precarious place to put all of the things that are on the table in a divorce that matter to you: Your finances, your children, your emotional well-being, and the relationship that you’re going to have post-dissolution with your spouse. That’s a very precarious place to go. Because all the decisions are going to be made out of your hands by a judge, who’s going to be listening to two other people that are representing the two parties at hearing. If that isn’t a loss of control of the client, the client’s ability to say what they want, when they want, and how they want, I don’t know what it is. Because, by the time their needs get translated through an attorney, and through a judge who’s got stacks of papers he’s gotta read and files, and listening to hearsay, and he said/she said, and trying to make decisions based on that, and what evidence has been piled up, the cost and efficiency, the emotional toll and the outcomes rarely are satisfying for people.

What is the best way for somebody moving through a dissolution to control the process? The best way is for those two parties to cooperate. Because if they can cooperate, and I maintain that 95% of people can. The only ones that can’t are the ones that have an agenda to hurt somebody. They really have an agenda for that. And those are rare, they’re few and far between. Most people are confused, upset, disoriented, and scared… Absolutely. But if they go someplace that doesn’t polarize them, if they go someplace that understands the emotional context, if they go someplace that isn’t looking at these two individuals to see who can win, if they go someplace that can guide them through the legal questions, the asset and debt allocation, the rights and responsibilities, the support issues and structure, and has an experience with that, and is looking at it solution-based, not confrontational, not oppositional, but solution-based… We don’t have a problem here, we just have some issues that we need to find clear solutions to. It’s a different approach. That’s what Go Divorce Clinic is all about.

That’s what really meets the needs of people moving through a dissolution process, and it allows those clients to control the process by participating in it. The only thing they have to do is to cooperate. Which really isn’t as tall a order as most people think, because the family law industry has really spun this to believe that every divorce has to be in a War of the Roses, has to be this huge, ugly thing. “Oh my God, a divorce.” It doesn’t have to be that way, and the clients that move through my office don’t experience that ugliness. It’s difficult, sure. It’s absolutely, emotionally very hard to end a marriage. But it doesn’t have to be ugly hard. It doesn’t have to be bitter hard.

Our vision works, and has been working for years, is a vision where people can come, have a safe place, and be guided through the process and break things down equitably, reasonably, to decide over rights and responsibilities with a discussion that’s adult, that has respect and dignity to it, that cuts out the drama, that does what’s in the best interest of the children. This kind of venue never goes inside of a courtroom, never goes to hearing, never needs attorneys to argue about who’s right and wrong.

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